The Birth Story. Reader Discretion Advised.

 

This is the birth story. The following is the version for men…

Went to the hospital. Had a 10 pound baby in one hour. Ouch.

Women, continue at your own risk…

Disclaimer:  If you are pregnant, plan on becoming pregnant, have a heart condition or are prone to faintness, dizziness, nausea or shortness of breath, do not continue reading. Do not read while operating large machinery.

Thursday, March 17th. 10:45pm.

Josh and I are in the bed working on finishing a blog post for our team website www.crosscollaboration.org. Josh was instant messaging our teammates Nikki and Nate to make the final changes. I was laying down in the bed just giving him my two cents about the post when BOOM! There came a deluge! I have heard people describe their water breaking. This was not like anything I’ve ever heard. It was not a “trickle”. There was no mistaking it. It was a gusher. (Remember, I warned you in the disclaimer).

I jumped up and yelled to Josh that my water had just broken, but he had already been washed away with the tide. Okay, that was just disgusting. That didn’t really happen. But it could’ve.

Josh immediately instant messaged Nate that my water had broken and he was drowning. Nate was on his way.

Josh told me that Nate was coming and my first thought was that we should call him back because it would be a while before we went to the hospital.

I need to stop here and give a little background information. We had been planning on having a natural delivery this time, meaning, no epidural. We were using a doula named Courtney. For those of you who don’t know what a doula is, she is someone who helps coach and encourage you through a natural delivery. I cannot stress enough that this was Providential. If we had not had Courtney, I really don’t know what would have happened. My last blog post would probably have read, “Pregnapotamus gives birth to 10 pound baby on the side of the road.”

Josh called Courtney and when she arrived she took one look at me and told Josh that we needed to get to the hospital immediately. She asked where my bag was and I told her that I had not yet packed my bag. Courtney had been telling me for weeks to get my bag packed. I can blame this passive aggressive behavior partly on the fact that  this was baby number four, but I was also thinking I would have plenty of time to pack my bag. It’s not like the baby will just fall out! Unless, of course, the baby does JUST..FALL.. OUT.

We get everything loaded into the van and this is where the scene beings to look like an old black and white movie with everyone running around bumping into each other in fast forward.

Everything comes to a screeching halt when Josh tells me to get into the van. No. I can’t get in. I honestly cannot get into the van. I’m literally thinking I would rather go have the baby in the yard than get into the van. Anyone who has gone through transition (the most painful part of labor) after their water has broken and without medication knows what I was feeling. Being told you have to sit still during contractions is excruciating. Courtney and Josh are begging me to get into the van. I’m begging Josh for an epidural. Josh tells me that we don’t have epidurals in the garage and that the only hope for an epidural is to get into the van and get to the hospital. I finally agree and get in.

Josh broke every traffic law ever written on the way to the hospital. We even broke 100 mph at one point. I only found this out later. Thankfully, I was totally unaware of anything going on around me during that drive.

You hear people say, “We barely made it to the hospital!” but WE Barely Made it to the Hospital! We almost didn’t make it past the hospital lobby. I said I felt like I needed to push as the poor security guard rolled the wheel chair toward me. Poor guy, he heard those words and he sprinted with me and the wheel chair all the way to labor and delivery. We were in the delivery room long enough for me to throw myself on the bed and push one time. Matthew Curry Kines came into the world. There happened to be a doctor in the hallway, thankfully. No time for scrubs. She rushed into the room to literally “catch” the baby. He was born at 11:50pm. Exactly one hour from my first contraction.

They say you immediately forget the pain…

You don’t, but isn’t he handsome?