5 Kids, Hoarding, and the Day I Delivered My Own Baby

Can you hoard kids?

I’m thinking of having my own show called “Hoarders: Babies edition”

I already want another one. Or two. 

The fifth time is just  as amazing as the first. It never gets old.


So, for the highlight.

I know you’re all dying for the story…

Who remembers what happened last time? Yeah, that made us a little worried that we might not make it to the hospital. Here in Bogota, the hospital is about a 45 minute drive. There was even a time that it took us an hour and a half to get to an appointment. It all depends on the time of day. And an ambulance may or may not come…in two hours. Or not.

So, our prayer for the last 6 months of living here has been that the Lord would allow me to get to the hospital BEFORE I delivered the baby.

He did. With 9 hours to spare…

So, Josh and I had decided that we would rather be sent home with a false alarm than have the baby in a taxi. I know. We’re very particular like that. So, at the first twinge I had of thinking I might feel something different, we left.  Immediately.  For the hospital. Did I mention that until that night,  the shortest amount of time it had ever taken us to get to the hospital was 45 minutes?

That night it took us 19. 

Apparently, if you yell out the window “Embarazada!” (the Spanish word for pregnant)  and wave your arms like a crazy person, people will move out of your way. Like the parting of the Red Sea.

By the time we got there, I was pretty sure I wasn’t in labor. I had two more “twinges” on the way and nothing else once we got in a room. I knew this wasn’t labor because the pain of last time is forever seared into my consciousness.  The doctor arrived and told us that he was not going to send us home because of my history of super-lightening fast labors. He told me he wanted to check to see if he needed to break my water.

Let me back up a little. I wanted to go into labor naturally and I wanted to have the baby with no drugs. At the hospital. I did not want to be induced. So, when he told me he thought he needed to break my water, I was very hesitant. At that point, I wasn’t even 38 weeks yet. However, we had seen that the baby’s cord was across his face in the last sonogram. The doctor was concerned that if my water broke spontaneously that the cord could come out first and cause a prolapse.

I agreed to let him break my water. As soon as he did it, I felt like it was a mistake.I was really disappointed in myself for allowing the doctor to do something that I didn’t feel comfortable with. At all.  I knew I wasn’t in labor and I didn’t feel ready. I was really upset because there was no turning back at that point and I was worried that if I didn’t go into labor that I would be pressured to have pitocin. I have had very bad experiences with this particular drug in the past and knew that not only would I have the side effects I have experienced with other deliveries, but it would be more likely that I wouldn’t be able to handle the pain and would need an epidural. Having an epidural in a foreign country is NOT something I wanted to do. I’m not super brave.

That was around 9:30 pm.

Nothing happened. All night.

I waited and pretty much stayed up all night praying that I would go into labor. At 5 o’clock am I felt my first real contraction. I recognized it as a true contraction because THE PAIN OF LAST TIME WAS SEARED INTO MY CONSCIOUSNESS.  I knew this baby was much smaller, so I had believed for this entire pregnancy that it couldn’t possibly be as painful as last time.

Vicious Lies.

At around 6am I could feel that I was getting very close. Josh called the nurse and told him that we needed the doctor because it wouldn’t be long.


About 6 minutes after 6 am. I told Josh I needed to push. The doctor walked in and said, “Well, let’s get you ready to push.” If you know my past experiences, you know that I don’t get “ready” to push.

I push and then there’s a baby. Pronto. The end.

The doctor was facing away from me, doing who knows what to “get ready for me to push” and I did.

I delivered Carter by myself . The doctor turned around because he heard him crying. True story.

What’s funny about this story is that after having a pretty traumatizing labor with no drugs last time – this entire pregnancy I had been saying, “I just wish I could be left alone and deliver the baby myself.” I know that sounds crazy to most people. And it is. I get it. But that’s really what I wanted. I’m just weird like that.

During the entire labor, I felt so scared and disappointed in how it was happening, but looking back, I truly see the Lord’s hand. I felt the same way about my last delivery. I felt that every singe thing that happened was in His control. There was a real possibility that if I had really gone into labor at home that I wouldn’t have made it to the hospital – since once I truly went into labor, it was about an hour, just like last time. Also, if my water had broken on its own, there was the possibility of the cord prolapsing.

And did I say he was only 7 pounds 4 ounces? After having a 10 pounder, the recovery was a walk in the park. I was able to leave the hospital the same day. Did you know that babies born in high altitudes are 15% smaller? I think we should all have the opportunity, nay the privilege, of having a pregnancy at 8,000 feet. God is good. 


Carter is doing great. He sleeps really well through all the noise of his 4 siblings.

And did I say that the fifth is as amazing as the first?

Maybe I’ll blog before my next birth story. But no promises.


The Birth Story. Reader Discretion Advised.


This is the birth story. The following is the version for men…

Went to the hospital. Had a 10 pound baby in one hour. Ouch.

Women, continue at your own risk…

Disclaimer:  If you are pregnant, plan on becoming pregnant, have a heart condition or are prone to faintness, dizziness, nausea or shortness of breath, do not continue reading. Do not read while operating large machinery.

Thursday, March 17th. 10:45pm.

Josh and I are in the bed working on finishing a blog post for our team website www.crosscollaboration.org. Josh was instant messaging our teammates Nikki and Nate to make the final changes. I was laying down in the bed just giving him my two cents about the post when BOOM! There came a deluge! I have heard people describe their water breaking. This was not like anything I’ve ever heard. It was not a “trickle”. There was no mistaking it. It was a gusher. (Remember, I warned you in the disclaimer).

I jumped up and yelled to Josh that my water had just broken, but he had already been washed away with the tide. Okay, that was just disgusting. That didn’t really happen. But it could’ve.

Josh immediately instant messaged Nate that my water had broken and he was drowning. Nate was on his way.

Josh told me that Nate was coming and my first thought was that we should call him back because it would be a while before we went to the hospital.

I need to stop here and give a little background information. We had been planning on having a natural delivery this time, meaning, no epidural. We were using a doula named Courtney. For those of you who don’t know what a doula is, she is someone who helps coach and encourage you through a natural delivery. I cannot stress enough that this was Providential. If we had not had Courtney, I really don’t know what would have happened. My last blog post would probably have read, “Pregnapotamus gives birth to 10 pound baby on the side of the road.”

Josh called Courtney and when she arrived she took one look at me and told Josh that we needed to get to the hospital immediately. She asked where my bag was and I told her that I had not yet packed my bag. Courtney had been telling me for weeks to get my bag packed. I can blame this passive aggressive behavior partly on the fact that  this was baby number four, but I was also thinking I would have plenty of time to pack my bag. It’s not like the baby will just fall out! Unless, of course, the baby does JUST..FALL.. OUT.

We get everything loaded into the van and this is where the scene beings to look like an old black and white movie with everyone running around bumping into each other in fast forward.

Everything comes to a screeching halt when Josh tells me to get into the van. No. I can’t get in. I honestly cannot get into the van. I’m literally thinking I would rather go have the baby in the yard than get into the van. Anyone who has gone through transition (the most painful part of labor) after their water has broken and without medication knows what I was feeling. Being told you have to sit still during contractions is excruciating. Courtney and Josh are begging me to get into the van. I’m begging Josh for an epidural. Josh tells me that we don’t have epidurals in the garage and that the only hope for an epidural is to get into the van and get to the hospital. I finally agree and get in.

Josh broke every traffic law ever written on the way to the hospital. We even broke 100 mph at one point. I only found this out later. Thankfully, I was totally unaware of anything going on around me during that drive.

You hear people say, “We barely made it to the hospital!” but WE Barely Made it to the Hospital! We almost didn’t make it past the hospital lobby. I said I felt like I needed to push as the poor security guard rolled the wheel chair toward me. Poor guy, he heard those words and he sprinted with me and the wheel chair all the way to labor and delivery. We were in the delivery room long enough for me to throw myself on the bed and push one time. Matthew Curry Kines came into the world. There happened to be a doctor in the hallway, thankfully. No time for scrubs. She rushed into the room to literally “catch” the baby. He was born at 11:50pm. Exactly one hour from my first contraction.

They say you immediately forget the pain…

You don’t, but isn’t he handsome?